Saturday, 22 September 2012

The most important relationship: with Yourself

How many of us joined 12WBT in some part to become more open to the idea of relationships and intimacy?
I joined 12WBT purely for myself- no one else but I would be lying if I said that I didn’t hope that this program might help in my relationships. And not just in a superficial way either.
The saying goes- if I’m not happy or don’t love myself – how could I expect anyone else to be?
After spending 4 years with the wrong person the prospect of any new relationship scares the shit of me – let’s be honest. And then add to the mix my weight and I’m running/walking to the hills far far away. Before my last serious partner I was used to being thin and healthy, but at the end of the relationship I was overweight and VERY unhappy. As much as I might love to place all the blame on him, that would be unfair- it was the usual cycle of unhappy, eat, put weight on, more unhappy, eat some more.
Just because we are overweight does NOT mean that we should expect any less within a relationship. Do not settle for any abuse whether it’s physical or emotional or fall into the thought process of “he will be the only one to love me like I am now”. Chances are if he is like that now he will still be the same asshole when you are thinner, healthier and rocking hotness. I do understand now that I deserve better, sometimes it can just be so hard to see that. Self-worth Ladies- believe it, trust in it.
I don’t know how to date like I am currently- hell I don’t know how to date AT ALL lol. I’m not at the stage yet where I am comfortable within myself, well I am confident with WHO I am, but not the outside version of myself. 12WBT is only the start for me, to starting to re-love myself- all of me, positives, negatives all mixed in. Maybe I might find the right person, maybe I won’t, but being myself and loving me, that is more important than anything else. The relationship with yourself is the hardest one- just some thoughts on how to get that relationship on the right path:

1. Fall in love with yourself. Think about what makes you You. Love yourself for all the good that you see and accept your flaws and the fact that you are imperfect. This does not mean that you do not learn to change from your shortcomings; instead, you are being gentle and kind to yourself despite all your “flaws”. Look in the mirror and fall in love with the reflection that is You. Before,during and after your 12WBT journey
2. Eliminate Self Criticism. Do you often berate yourself over the tiniest thing? Is there a little voice inside your head that often tells you that you are no good because you are stupid or make mistakes. If you find that you criticize yourself often, make an effort to stop the self criticism.
3. Be Kind And Positive. When you start to think kindly and positively about yourself, the love you have for yourself just grows.
4. Acknowledge Your Effort. It is not always about winning or coming up tops in everything that you do. Many times, it is the effort that counts! Acknowledge that you have done your best, even if you have failed .
5. Let Go Of Worry. Loving yourself requires you to let go of your worry. It is a horrible way to live a life filled with constant worrying. I can attest to that! Worry does not help in any way. It cannot, on its own, make things happen. Only actions can! So instead of worrying, spend time thinking about what you can do.

6. Trust Yourself. Have confidence in your abilities. Know that you have the ability to make important changes for yourself, for as long as you put your heart to it.
7. Forgive Yourself. If you have made mistakes in the past that had caused you to feel less worthy, then you need to forgive yourself. All of us make mistakes; so there really is no need to beat yourself up over them.
8. Be Truthful To Yourself. Loving yourself requires you to be truthful about your own feelings. If you are happy, acknowledge the joy. If you are sad, acknowledge the sorrow. When you are truthful about your feelings, you do not try to lie to yourself or seek to bury your negative emotions. Instead, acknowledging what you feel provides a good guide to what your thoughts are.
9. Express Gratitude. Express gratitude for the person that you are. Feel a sense of gratitude that you are alive and well, and fully capable of making a difference in your life.
10. Nurture Your Dreams. Why deny yourself your dreams? When you nurture your dreams, you would love the life that you are leading.
11. Relax. Give yourself space to take breaks every now and then.
12. Have Fun. Inject some fun into your life. Life is meant to be an enjoyable. Don’t take life or yourself too seriously. If you can think of life in this manner, you automatically relax and quit worrying over things that do not matter.


  1. Great reflection Casey, being a person in a relationship I still need to do all these things. You have created a guide to living a happy life...

  2. I was exactly in that position 2.5 years ago. I'd gained over 20kg during a 4 year relationship and I couldn't see myself ever putting myself out there, let alone picking up or starting a new relationship.

    But I did get out, I had a lot of fun. I absolutely learnt to love myself and managed to love someone else too. I am so happy my boyfriend started dating me while I was at my largest because 1. he likes me for me and 2. he won't know what hit him once this 12wbt is over!