Thursday, 8 November 2012

Eyesbrows Vs 12WBT mindset

My last week has been filled with a few internal “EKK” moments lol
It all started with my eyebrows. Now you might wonder how eyebrows might have an effect on my week.  Well with Sydney finale only next week I felt I needed some ‘tidying up’ and booked some ME time to have my eyebrows waxed and tinted. Now I have been here before and had exactly the same thing done- so figured it would all be like usual. Oh how wrong I was!!!
I believe that when I got home my Facebook status was this (excuse language)
“Sometimes I wonder why I even let beauty salons near me! My bloody eyebrows are now fucking black and two different shapes I can't even look at me without laughing”
Honestly they looked like two black caterpillars on my face- when I looked in the mirror all I could see was EYEBROWS. Now I am in no way a drama queen- I generally don’t have hissy fits or the like, but OMG did this eyebrow situation bring up my inner queen.  I was so shocked with the colour that it took me until I got home to notice that they were two different shapes.
All I could think about was EKK they will be like this for Sydney. My inner drama queen was like ‘I can’t go out in public- and that includes the gym” thankfully my strong 12WBT mindset won that battle. So off to the gym (after cleansing in an attempt to get the colour to ‘settle’) I went. Trainer looked at me, looked again- went to say something- I was like ‘NOPE, no mention” He smartly didn’t make a comment.  Smashed out a HUGE workout to get rid of my angry and drama queen- went home, sat down, took a breathe and went  they are only eyebrows- if that’s the worst that could happen to me I’m lucky.

I thought then that I had said goodbye to my inner drama queen but oh NO she had been unleashed.  I swear for 48hrs I felt like everything I might have been self-conscious about I was even worse. I woke up at MIDNIGHT to try on finale dresses that I had because I wasn’t happy with how my favourite one sat. Because you know trying on multiple dresses, earring and shoes at midnight is something completely sane to do?!?!
I do think I was quite possible slightly hormonal – but all brought on by those bloody black eyebrows (which thankfully have settled and I can look in the mirror without the giggles now)
So after re-assessing my journey, looking at some before photos, re visiting some mindset lesson- I was back to feeling comfortable or maybe actually ecstatic about how I was feeling. My mind is just running behind my physical body a little bit. But I’m ok with that- there were no self-loathing feelings or falling back into destructive habits- it was mainly just some fears, some hormones and then the eyebrows :P
The other EKK moment was putting together a before and after photo of my round – whenever I might be having a downer or frustrated at myself- I give myself a bit of a kick up the butt and go “Oi, look at how far you have come- embrace it”. I usually share these with 12WBT’ers on the forums or on Facebook. I decided to share it on Mish’s page also. Now with the joys of the New FB I didn’t take into consideration that this meant that the photo would be posted on my public feed for all my non 12wbt friends and family to see.  Most of them were aware that I was overweight but due to many a untagged photo,  alot didn’t know the full extent on how heavy I started at. But here it was on my news feed for everyone to see and comment on. I had an OMG OMG EKK moment but then thought- NO I am not proud of how I let myself get to that weight- but I won’t hide from it. I take responsibility for it but I also take responsibility for make the changes that resulted in the after photo.
12WBT has helped me change my life in SO many ways and also I have made the decision to change my life also- 12WBT can give you the tools, the support but you need to take that leap of faith- faith in program and faith in yourself for it to be successful.
Now with my drama queeen moment over BRING ON SYDNEY