Thursday, 11 October 2012

me VS Dinner

This is not something I would of expected to write when I first embarked on this journey of sorts

Something I have been struggling with this week is UNDER eating. I eat my breakfast and lunch and the snacks during the day, I do my work out after work and then I get home and I’m completely not hungry. It’s not even the fact I don’t want to cook- I’m tired but it’s no drama- have lots of frozen meal choices for those days. It is that I just don’t feel the need to eat. No hungry pains, no cravings- just plain not hungry. I had made the choice that I would go to bed without eating, maybe 3-4 times last week- in my mind I didn’t want to ‘force’ myself to eat as I was afraid that it would either cause a binge or bring on those evil hunger pains.
The problem with that was 4 days out of the 7, I was lucky to have reached 700 calories. I was also doing two workouts daily burning between 600-1200 calories each day. I KNOW that this isn’t a combination that gets results. I think I can almost feel my body going “my fat-MINE” in preparation for the starvation it thinks I am putting it thru. I thought I was prepared to combat the hungry excuses but what the hell do I do about not hungry?? This wasn’t something I was expecting lol At the start I was embracing the not hungry feeling as I meant to could focus on the choices both in food and exercise without going slightly mad with hungry, getting grumpy and then fighting urges when I got home.
I have a cupboard and freezer full of pre-prepared meals, healthy snacks and great choices- but the problem is not the choices I’m making but the lack of one.
I knew what I was doing wasn’t the correct choice- eating less does NOT equal higher weight loss and my mind set wasn’t ever in this thinking. It was more I use to be a massive overeater and was afraid that by what I felt was ‘forcing’ myself to eat that I could possible start down that path again.
Over eating, under eating-ARGH I just want to find the happy medium in between and I know 12WBT is this path.  Yes I still lost weight this week but I will bring on a plateau or a gain if I continued this false relationship with dinner.

So I have fortified myself with the strength that eating dinner will not cause overeating because I WONT allow it too. Dinner isn’t an evil meal that will cause the scale to go up- it is a meal that my body needs to function and support my weight loss journey. The meals plans that 12WBT provide will NOT run straight to my butt and make it bigger- although that is possible if I continue to not eat.
I have been making the right choices so there is no reason to be so afraid of my success so far. Sometimes I think success or progress can bring up feelings of being undeserving. I have treated my body like crap for so long- do I deserve to be thin and look and feel great? Those sorts of down feelings. But I do deserve to be that healthier person and so does everyone else. Success is never a straight or flat journey and this was just a tangent off the best course for me

1 comment:

  1. "Sometimes I think success or progress can bring up feelings of being undeserving."

    This is something I too still battle with. That "I don't deserve" mentality. Every time I think I've dealt with it, somehow it crops up again in another way. Good on you for bringing it out into the light. :)

    And yes, undereating is not going to your metabolism any favours. It just brings out the rebellion and then the scales don't budge at all.

    Everyone deserves to be happy and healthy. You are no different fabulous girl. :)