Fear, Hope, Photos and the start of the Journey



I didn’t know if I was originally going start a blog lol (well obviously I have). I wondered what I would write, who would read, whether I was interesting etc etc.

I then realised that this blog isn’t being written for anyone else, it’s being written so that I can see my journey and put pen to page as such.

So in advance I warn; I’m an atrocious speller, my grammar intermittently misguided and I’ve been told I’m good at going off on tangents.

The photos that started it all….

I think a lot of people will be able to relate to those photos- you know the photos that you quickly untag on Facebook or delete on the camera before anyone else’s eyes can see them.

Unfortunately with the weight I have been for a while- I feel like I have SO many of those photos.

I don’t know what it was about this one in particular, could have been it was my birthday or that with my rose coloured glasses I was content with how I thought I looked that night. Could be that I'm eating cake too

But I haven’t been content with how I look for a long time. I’m sick of being the 'girl who would be pretty if she wasn’t fat'. I’ve found that my weight has such a negative impact on my life. I don’t look after my appearance as much as I use to, I’ve become lazy and more complacent.

I was really good at turning a blind eye to my weight- my favourite phases to myself was “I show my weight well” or “I’m heavier than I look”. But I certainly show it now and more important I feel it. I closed my eyes since heading over the 100kg mark and think I’ve kept them closed since

I had been looking at Michelle Bridge’s 12WBT for the last couple of rounds, I would sign up fill it all in and get to the payment point and then really consider was I ready, was I motivated enough to make the lifestyle choices I needed. And two times I wasn’t. People say third time lucky, maybe it is that but I know that I made this choice and this is it for me.   Surprisingly a lot of my starting motivation came from Fear: fear that if I don’t do something now I never will, Fear that I could be alone for the rest of my life and Fear that I’ll be selling myself short on life.

So as much as I might be scared or nervous about 12WBT and the challenges it will bring, I was more fearful of my future if I didn’t make the change.

The nervousness is still there but gone is the fear replaced with excitement and most importantly Hope.