The Jacket

At the start of 12WBT I had a goal that I would fit into my gorgeous Ascot hacking Jacket.  I had made the promise or restriction on myself that until I fitted into this jacket that I wasn’t going to ride my horses. This was due to a few factors – mainly the negative impacts my weight and lack of core strength has on my riding, plus I shouldn’t expect the horses to carry my extra weight.

To me this jacket represents so much more than just losing weight and cms. It highlights all the things that I have missed out on due to being overweight.

It represents

•   The pain I felt at each show when it was getting tighter and tighter. And the fear that it might split at the back seams if I moved the wrong way

•   The missed opportunities both within my horses and life

•   The lack of joy I was feeling at my heaviest and the fear that I wouldn’t ever fit into it again.

Well the other day while in my PJs I made the decision to try the jacket on to see how far away I was. I did consider that this could work in a negative way for me if the jacket was miles off fitting- could have sent me into why bother spiral, but thought screw it. And OMG it fitted- like fitted great- buttons done up and everything. Hell I could even move my arms and breathe. Here I was standing in my room with my Hacking jacket on, PJ bottoms dancing around and have a bit of an emotional moment.

I couldn’t, can’t believe that I fit into my 12 week goal jacket in week 5!!! Rang my mum to tell her- lol she didn’t really ‘get it’ so I had to jump onto Facebook and tell 12WBT people, and you guys completely got it. It seemed so silly to me at the time to be getting emotional about a jacket fitting but then I thought about it more and then realised what it meant for me.

So i might be excited about getting my horses backing proper work- but i doubt they are as excited as me about the prospect of their holidays ending

My four beautiful horses (or well 3 horses and a pony)

Maestro, Jack, Bobby and Wesley

So coming towards the end of Week 5 and I have achieved some goals miles ahead of what I was expecting. I looked at what I wrote done as goals at the start of 12WBT and I am excited about the ones that I have been able to tick off

·         I have done a 5km fun run (or in my case walk J )

·         Run/jog/shuffle 1km non stop

·         Fit into my in hand and also my Hacking jacket

·         Lose 4kgs and then 12kgs

·         Bought bathers and actually went to the pool

·         To go to the gym 4 times a week

I think that when first setting my goals, I limited myself on what I thought I could achieve. I now know that I am capable of so much more without my own restrictions on myself. Time to re access and push myself more. Bring on the next 7 weeks and beyond- i will succeed in this.

Changes

 

So during last week and this week I reflected the many changes that doing 12WBT has brought into my life

Visual changes

These are the most ‘obvious’ ones- the ones that I can see and feel and the ones that people are starting to notice too. The top images are of my starting weight of 123.9kgs and the bottom ones were taking Week 4 11.7kgs down and 41.5cm lost. The second image is of the changes in my face- WooHoo my face and my multiple chins were my most hated area of 'fatness' so im so pleased to be getting my face and cheek bones and neck back

 

Something else visual that I’ve started to notice- is I’m starting to CARE about my appearance- I bought Proactive to help with my skin, I put effort into my makeup when I go out. I actually want to look nice because I feel like I’m on the right track to feeling and looking awesome. I always said that I would go back to my natural hair colour when I got thin which is blonde- I’m still debating whether to or not- the age old fight of blonde or brunette heheh

Mental changes

These are the turning points for me- the factors that I know that I will succeed in this endeavour of mine. I wake up feeling fantastic not just refreshed and renewed but just feeling like I’m in the right place. I enjoy exercise- in fact it is more than that- I LOVE going to the gym, giving it my all and that feeling afterwards of all these happy endorphins running around my body ( hopefully its more the fat cells melting away).

I don’t complain- yes I know I am not a natural runner but bugger to that I JFDI. I would say I use to always look for the easiest way out, in exercise, work, and life even. Now I welcome a challenge.

Last Weekend I caught up with the Warrnambool and Surrounds crew to take on Tower Hill- not once but 4 times. I took me 5 years of living in Warrnambool before I even did this walk once- and I’m pretty sure I spent the whole way up and down complaining loudly to anyone that would listen (whether they wanted to hear it or not I imagine). But this time I jumped at the challenge- I changed a work shift so I could go, sure I have breather hard and puffy but this time there was laugher not sounds of a disgruntle person.

 

Lonely. I never use to honestly think how lonely I was, I knew I was but never did anything about it. I moved from Adelaide and came to Warrnambool and I was overweight. SO new place and already unhappy so I isolated myself. And I’ve been doing that for 5 years. It feels like 12WBT was the kick out the door onto the front porch, which I truly needed. I have felt more alive, more myself and more belonging in the last 4-5 weeks than I have in forever. So to the lovely people in 12WBT (whether I have met you or not), to my work place, to Gym people and all the Warrnambool and surrounds Beautiful Girls- I thank you all for giving me an even greater opportunity to succeed

The most important relationship: with Yourself

How many of us joined 12WBT in some part to become more open to the idea of relationships and intimacy?

I joined 12WBT purely for myself- no one else but I would be lying if I said that I didn’t hope that this program might help in my relationships. And not just in a superficial way either.

The saying goes- if I’m not happy or don’t love myself – how could I expect anyone else to be?

After spending 4 years with the wrong person the prospect of any new relationship scares the shit of me – let’s be honest. And then add to the mix my weight and I’m running/walking to the hills far far away. Before my last serious partner I was used to being thin and healthy, but at the end of the relationship I was overweight and VERY unhappy. As much as I might love to place all the blame on him, that would be unfair- it was the usual cycle of unhappy, eat, put weight on, more unhappy, eat some more.

Just because we are overweight does NOT mean that we should expect any less within a relationship. Do not settle for any abuse whether it’s physical or emotional or fall into the thought process of “he will be the only one to love me like I am now”. Chances are if he is like that now he will still be the same asshole when you are thinner, healthier and rocking hotness. I do understand now that I deserve better, sometimes it can just be so hard to see that. Self-worth Ladies- believe it, trust in it.

I don’t know how to date like I am currently- hell I don’t know how to date AT ALL lol. I’m not at the stage yet where I am comfortable within myself, well I am confident with WHO I am, but not the outside version of myself. 12WBT is only the start for me, to starting to re-love myself- all of me, positives, negatives all mixed in. Maybe I might find the right person, maybe I won’t, but being myself and loving me, that is more important than anything else. The relationship with yourself is the hardest one- just some thoughts on how to get that relationship on the right path:

1. Fall in love with yourself. Think about what makes you You. Love yourself for all the good that you see and accept your flaws and the fact that you are imperfect. This does not mean that you do not learn to change from your shortcomings; instead, you are being gentle and kind to yourself despite all your “flaws”. Look in the mirror and fall in love with the reflection that is You. Before,during and after your 12WBT journey

2. Eliminate Self Criticism. Do you often berate yourself over the tiniest thing? Is there a little voice inside your head that often tells you that you are no good because you are stupid or make mistakes. If you find that you criticize yourself often, make an effort to stop the self criticism.

3. Be Kind And Positive. When you start to think kindly and positively about yourself, the love you have for yourself just grows.

4. Acknowledge Your Effort. It is not always about winning or coming up tops in everything that you do. Many times, it is the effort that counts! Acknowledge that you have done your best, even if you have failed .

5. Let Go Of Worry. Loving yourself requires you to let go of your worry. It is a horrible way to live a life filled with constant worrying. I can attest to that! Worry does not help in any way. It cannot, on its own, make things happen. Only actions can! So instead of worrying, spend time thinking about what you can do.

6. Trust Yourself. Have confidence in your abilities. Know that you have the ability to make important changes for yourself, for as long as you put your heart to it.

7. Forgive Yourself. If you have made mistakes in the past that had caused you to feel less worthy, then you need to forgive yourself. All of us make mistakes; so there really is no need to beat yourself up over them.

8. Be Truthful To Yourself. Loving yourself requires you to be truthful about your own feelings. If you are happy, acknowledge the joy. If you are sad, acknowledge the sorrow. When you are truthful about your feelings, you do not try to lie to yourself or seek to bury your negative emotions. Instead, acknowledging what you feel provides a good guide to what your thoughts are.

9. Express Gratitude. Express gratitude for the person that you are. Feel a sense of gratitude that you are alive and well, and fully capable of making a difference in your life.

10. Nurture Your Dreams. Why deny yourself your dreams? When you nurture your dreams, you would love the life that you are leading.

11. Relax. Give yourself space to take breaks every now and then.

12. Have Fun. Inject some fun into your life. Life is meant to be an enjoyable. Don’t take life or yourself too seriously. If you can think of life in this manner, you automatically relax and quit worrying over things that do not matter.

Feeling the 12WBT love

So today was weigh in day- I do admit going to sleep on Tuesdays and reviewing what I have done for the week.

Did I follow the program 100%, did I stick to 1200 calories- was I under/over? Did I put in during workouts? Did I have too many rest days? Did I drink enough water? Etc etc.

The usual, negative, worrying thoughts- STOP IT!!! I have to say to myself- nothing I say, do or think about will change the result on Wednesdays’ mornings. I take responsibility for all my choices whether right or not lol. And the scale is only a number and a number isn’t able to control how I feel or see myself.

What the scales did show me today was a Mini-Milestone- Since the Official start of Round 3, 2012 I have now donated more than 10kgs to the fat god never to be seen again. 11.5kgs that I will never have to lug around while attempting to do burpees or clothes shopping even J I think about what an impact those 11.5kgs have caused in my life and it is ALL negative. I will use all my tools in my arsenal and my stubbornness to ensure that not only does this 11.5kgs not come back on but that there are other kgs friends to join them.

The non-scale win (still 12WBT related) was opening up my Wednesday Mish email to find out that I was one of the 20 blogs nominated for the most inspirational. So I want to take to time to thank everyone that nominated this blog and who spend the time to read my musing and rambling. I would love to hug the girls that sent me emails of congratulations- it gave me a warm fuzzy feeling and I feel completely humbled by all the support- many from people I have never met. This blog was only set up so that I could get my thoughts out into the open and have some writings to show the progress of my journey, both thru weight and mentally too. One of my orginal feelings when i first started 12WBT, was LONELINESS. I might be losing weight but i am gaining so much more in my life with the people that 12WBT has given me the opportunity to met. So to everyone Thankyou- i cannot put into words what your support and belief means to me and i cant wait for all of us to succeed.

As well as my blog there were some other absolutely fantastic blogs nominated- if you haven’t read them- then I highly recommended starting too – I’ve listed the links below. To anyone thinking about doing a blog- GO FOR IT. you dont have to share it with anyone, it can be for only you. I find inspiration in all places- from blogs, from just the way people or, to the enviroment around me.

Sailor Vee

http://sailorvee.com/

Mo Jo

http://bodyimagediaries.blogspot.com.au/

MishM

http://mishsmash.wordpress.com/

Trad

https://www.facebook.com/Traceys12wbtJourney

daynamorphic

http://daynamorphic.blogspot.com.au/

emilyschnickle

http://eatingmovingwriting.blogspot.com.au/

Jules_L

http://theblogofjules.blogspot.com.au/

Leitchy

http://leitchy.blogspot.com.au/

SheHasCuteShoes!

http://shehascuterunners.blogspot.com/

Coco Girl

http://cocogirlbutter.blogspot.com.au/

Caitlinramrakha

http://caitlinramrakha.com/

Monnie

http://thediaryofadietingdiva.blogspot.com.au/

Amydeville

http://theskinnyonamydeville.wordpress.com/

Alyon

http://idontwantfrieswiththat.wordpress.com/

Kipwil

http://wonderwomankipwil.blogspot.com.au/2012/09/giving-up.html

Rach-V2.0

http://www.rach-v2.blogspot.com.au/

Carollee

http://www.finding-carol.blogspot.com.au/

Jcavaney

http://newstartsugarfree.blogspot.com.au/

77Noni

http://fitandhappynotfatandhippy.com/

Week Three finished with a Pink sparkle skipping rope

Wow we are a quarter of the way thru the Round- the first three weeks of the rest of my life to a better Me has come to an end. On reflection these 3 weeks have impacted me in SO many positive ways, and not just in wins against the scales and numbers.

I am now only I'm only 300grms from a 10kg loss!!!! I came into the round with a hopeful expectation of losing 1kg a week but I've smashed that out the water so far- could I start to be wishing to be double digits by rounds end? Bring it on- the more happy dances I do the more calories I burn

Food wise I’m still going with it- I had felt that this was always the weakest area for me- the one place where my will power might weaken and in would sneak Hungry Jacks lol I finding that even given the opportunity to eat badly that I actually don’t want to. I’m not craving the high salt, high sugar, and high fat foods anymore. Treat meal was the Penang Chicken on the 12WBT program and I would be very happy if that was the last meal I ever eat- OMG it is to die for so yummy yummy. I think that by picking a meal from the recipe base I’m not inclined to go too far off the plan- I’m ecstatic will how I’m going but I don’t completely trust myself to not running away with the “treat” aspect = bad choices.

One big Milestone in these 3 weeks is exercise. I’m loving it, I’m doing it and I’m putting all I can into it. I’m embracing the pain/the burn because as disgruntle as my body may be feeling, it feels like success as well. I actually swapped a shift at work yesterday so that I could do gym boot camp in the morning and then SSS with some of the other 12WBTers. I had my towel packed, BYO step and my pink sparkle skipping rope all set for the Skipping Pyramid. I think the last time I skipped was in primary school while singing “Ice cream soda, cherry on top….” , so it might of caused some laughs while we all tried to get it together and into some type of  rhythm but we got thru the 4 rounds and smashed it!!!

9 weeks left to go in my first round- I know for certain that I will be doing the rounds to come after- the support and guidance in 12WBT is something special and unique and so unlike any other ‘diet’ plan out there- this is all about lifestyle. There are so many people that this has worked for, is working for and will work for and I WILL be one of those people and so will you.